You don’t owe an explanation

Good afternoon, I am so happy that it’s Friday, sunny and Thanksgiving weekend.  Happy Thanksgiving to all of my Canadian followers. We are having our dinner on Sunday, this year Hailey has asked if she can make it.  I have a feeling I will still be very involved, I’m so happy that she wants to learn these skills at such a young age.  There is something that has come to my attention, I’ve been noticing it a lot lately.

In the last couple weeks, when I have been out, I have seen kids having temper tantrums.  I know how it feels to be out in public when your child is having an absolute meltdown, it’s no fun. I always feel for moms or dads when I see this, I always smile, just to let them know “Hey I’ve been there”.  Only the last few times, mothers have started giving me explanations as to why their child is upset.  I just couldn’t help but think “You don’t owe me an explanation”.  You have no reason, to have to tell me what is going on or why.

Is our society so judgmental, that parent’s now feel they have to explain what is happening? We as parent’s should never feel a need to have to explain. It is hard enough dealing with a child in that state.  I have been out in places when some of my kids have had horrible tantrums.  I never explained to anyone, maybe it’s because I was so in the moment that I just didn’t notice anyone else.

I will never forget the time when I was pregnant with Sophia, I took Hailey out shopping and she got mad because I wouldn’t buy Chinese food.  She threw herself on the ground in the middle of the mall, kicking my legs, almost pulling me over. Than she yells “I hope the boogie man, takes you and kills you”.  It must have been pretty comical for others, I could barely lean over because of my belly, but also trying to keep a distance so she couldn’t kick me.  I ended up walking out of the mall and she followed.  I could’t have imagined, trying to offer an explanation while holding back tears and trying to catch my breath.  What would have helped, a smile from a parent.

Just one smile, can change an entire day. I always smile, when I see kids having fits. It’s just my way of saying, you’ve got this! We have all had bad days with our kids, days we wish would just end.  I’ve also stepped in a few times if a mom is struggling with their child at a vehicle or has a bunch of bags, or drops something.  Sometimes we just need that support from another parent.  It lets us know we are not alone.  I hate the feeling that more and more moms feel judged by others.  We should be lifting each other up, in any little way we can, not tearing each other down. About a month ago, I went to Walmart with August in his stroller (bad idea). I should have known to get a cart, but he was sleeping.  My little basket was so full, I turned a corner and a bunch of stuff fell onto the floor. I had this stupid thing of long fake flowers in my other hand. I literally was having the hardest time, trying to pick it up. A bunch of people walked by me, this one mom, stopped ran over and picked everything up off the ground for me.  She said ” This happens to me all the time”, It made a world of difference.  I calmed down, smiled and thanked her.  In that split second of the food falling and no one helping. I felt embarrassed and didn’t even want to look up.  I shouldn’t have felt that way, we are all human, things happen.  Who cares what anyone else thinks or says.

You are doing you, you are taking care of other humans that rely on you for everything.  Most likely telling them to put down the candy or stop chasing each other through the store.  You don’t need to feel embarrassed for anything that you or your children do.  If you need to Stand there and take a few deep breaths to calm yourself before you burst into tears, or scream at your child. Do it, whatever you need, just do it. Don’t think about the people around you, or the stares. I guarantee you have a few mom’s or dad’s around you, feeling for you.  If they smile, accept it, don’t feel like you owe anyone an explanation, because you don’t.  That little being is everything to you, your entire world. Focus on that, the fact that they are having a hard day. The fact that your little child having that fit right now, loves you more than anything else in this world.  They are having a fit because they know you love them.  You are their safe place. You are amazing and you are being the best mom or dad that you can be.  Don’t let anyone else’s opinion’s change or shape how you think or feel.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend and enjoy time with loved ones. Happy Friday!