Crazy day? or Crazy mom?

Every morning I wake up with the perfect picture of the mom I am going to be. Relaxed, calm and not yelling at my kids.  I swear that perfect bubble gets broken most days, within the first 5 minutes of waking up.  I’m not even out of my room to wake up the kids and I can already hear them yelling at each other. At this point I just keep repeating in my head “coffee, coffee, coffee”.  I get coffee and the kids to the table for breakfast. They don’t even have breakfast in front of them and it starts. “mom, Aiden is staring at me and I don’t like it” Aiden “No I’m not, stop looking at me then” and it just continues on from here.  I try and keep my composure, still talking calm.  Then comes the no eating, everyone is getting up from the table trying to show each other how good their cart wheels look…. Really? I tell them to sit and eat, 25 minutes later and still the same.

Is it just me, or does every mom not understand how their kids can be getting up and getting ready for school for years. But they still manage to not know what they need to do. You have to tell them what feels like a million times to get dressed and ready.
I am not a perfect mom; I never will be. I will always be judged by people, how ever that doesn’t bother me. I yell at my kids, when I’ve told them something for the 20th time, I lose my shit.  The funny thing is, when I finally yell or threaten to take away electronics. I get results! I have walked away from Sophia at the school when she having a massive temper tantrum. I’ve gotten horrible looks from other parents. It doesn’t bother me because, they are not the ones raising my children.  They have no idea what I have already put up with that day. No matter what, I love my kids. My kids all know this, they know if I get really mad and feel bad. That I will sit with them and apologize.

Some days I feel like the worst mother in the world. Like I’m failing left, right and center.  You know those days, where each and every one of your kids has pushed every last button you have. Where you feel like locking yourself in the bathroom and screaming until your voice gives out.  Or the days where you just start balling in front of your kids because you have just simply, had enough.  The days where you think to yourself, if I could see myself right now.  You can only imagine looking like some wild banshee, face red, yelling…possibly even jumping up and down. Because some how it might get the message across to your kids.

If you as a mother or father ever feel like this. Tell yourself I am doing amazing; I am a great parent. You are not the only one who feels this way. I wish that in today’s day and age that judgment from others was not the way it is.  Parents should feel safe, to know that they can share how they feel and not be judged.  I know that some days if someone walked into my home they would probably think I was some deranged lunatic. The truth of the matter is, that does not define you as a parent. What does define you, is the love you give your kids. That you show up and be there for your kids. If your kids know that they can come to you for anything, even those bad things they have done. Then you are winning at parenting! When you have a bad day, look around you. I guarantee there are at least a couple mom’s or dad’s right next to you, holding in their tears.

Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world.  We will never truly know what is right or wrong for our children.  All we can do is teach them the best we can and hope for the best.  Know that you are not alone, everyone feels the way you do.