I’ve always known that a day would come when everything would change with my girls. When the innocence of running away from boys with cooties would no longer be. How ever I wasn’t quite expecting all of this to start at the age of 11. It’s not only happening with the girls, but with my son as well. In this first short month that they have been back to school, I have already dealt with more then I thought I would through the whole year. Maddy has a crush on my friend’s son, which we all knew through out the summer. Now they are in the same school together (middle school). I was getting texts and calls after school, asking to stay later to play with her friends. Which I said okay, only to find out that she was only hanging out with my friend’s son.
This turned into a whole lot of unwanted drama, it started with them being boyfriend and girlfriend and not saying anything to any of us. Until their lovely sisters ratted them out. This was upsetting, I try and have a very open line of communication with my kids. I want them to feel and know, that they can always come to me no matter what. So obviously I failed somewhere, right?
Also during this time, I was picking the two up from school and they were telling me about a girl in school and all the rumours surrounding her. Those being, that she has sex and smokes pot. I swear this hit me like a ton of bricks. My child is in grade 7, does this even happen at this age? This concerned me even more, now my mind is racing to a million different places, that I never wanted it to go. I am freaking out inside, not really knowing where to go from here. I told them that this is not someone they need to be hanging out. That they are 11 and this seems to be moving very quickly for them.
Thursday comes along and I pick up Maddy from school. We get home and Hailey comes and tells me that I need to know something. Then Maddy pops around the corner and they both start telling me, that the girl with all the rumours. Threatened to beat up Maddy after school. I said, ok tell me what happened. Maddy and her friends were playing truth or dare at school, someone dared her to hump a pole. She got upset and tried to kick the person’s shoe and her foot slipped and she kicked him in the chin. After school this girl comes running out after Maddy and tells her that if she ever kicks this boy again. That she will drag her down to the ground by her hair, and beat the crap out of her. At this point, all I can think of is my poor Maddy standing there with this girl screaming and swearing at her. Maddy is one of the sweetest, timid people you will ever meet. My first response of course was rage. How ever rage won’t solve anything. My husband being the cool headed, logical thinking person that he is. Called the principal, she said she would speak with this girl the next day. She also asked us to speak to Maddy about not playing truth or dare.
Now I take Maddy to her room to speak with her. I told her that this kind of behaviour at this age, is not what she should be doing. She then told me that she had been hanging out with and friends with the girl who threatened her. I started to explain to her what could happen. At this exact moment, I saw my very own self sitting on my bed, with my mom speaking to me. I realized that I knew exactly what to say, because I learnt it from my mom. I told her that if she continued to associate with this girl that she would most likely have rumours spread about herself. That she has to have respect for herself, hang around others who respect themselves. She then confided in me that this girl had told her that all the rumours were true. That her mom doesn’t care and she is allowed to do whatever she wants.
At that my heart sank a little bit. I explained to Maddy that not everyone has the parents that she does. That this girl is obviously trying to get the attention of her mom. She told me that she was scared to go to school the next day. I told her not to be scared. To go to school and hold her head up high, not let her fear win. She hugged me for a long time, we talked a lot. I told her about stupid things I had done as a kid. All the lies I had told to my mom and all the times I got caught. If I could go back, I would have never lied. At this very moment, everything my mother had ever said to me, completely made sense. She said and did these things to keep me safe and out of harms way. Now I am doing the same things with my daughter.
I will never know what exactly to say to my children. I will always tell them the truth. I will always be there for them. I am not going to lie; I am terrified for what the future holds. I only hope I do as well with my kids as my mom did with me.
Has anyone else dealt with anything like this yet? What have you told your children?